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    The Emotionally Abusive Relationship

    From Library Journal

    According to therapist Engel (Partners in Recovery), “even the most loving person” is capable of emotional abuse-that is, “any non-physical behavior designed to control, intimidate, subjugate, demean, punish, or isolate.” In a reasoned, sensible tone, she encourages readers to become responsible for their behavior and for changing it. Identified are ten “patterns of abuse” (verbal assault, character assassination, etc), different kinds of abusive relationships, action steps for cessation, and suggestions for recovery. Using dense writing and cogent examples, Engel clearly shows how this type of abuse, either intentional or unconscious, leads to low self-esteem and misery for one or both partners. A difficult and draining yet important read for those who suspect that their relationship has entered abusive territory, this book is highly recommended. For books on remedying less severe marital stresses, try Howard Markman and others’ hokey but well-intentioned Fighting for Your Marriage.
    Copyright 2002 Reed Business Information, Inc.

    Engel’s work in the field has helped her gain a great deal of insight and empathy for both the victim and the abuser. The Emotionally Abusive Relationship shows emotionally abused people how to help themselves, as well as showing emotionally abusive people how to stop abusing. Engel covers all aspects of emotional abuse, including the patterns that begin in childhood, teaching us how to identify and understand emotional abuse. This prescriptive book combines dramatic personal stories with action steps to heal. Focusing on the dynamics of an emotionally abusive relationship, Engel provides strategies that will allow partners to work together to resolve their issues and stop the abuse. Her step-by-step program provides the skills needed to:

    Spot the warning signs that a partner is a potential abuser
    Establish firmer boundaries and develop a stronger sense of self
    Cope with the anger, stress, and insecurities that propel abuse
    Confront the abuser when he or she becomes abusive
    Stop blaming and start taking responsibility
    Determine whether or not the relationship is worth saving
    Prevent emotional abuse in the future

    Engel also includes pertinent information on borderline personality disorder and its effects, as well as a section offering partners of individuals with BPD strategies for dealing with the types of emotional abuse they are likely to experience. ”


    PRAISE FOR the emotionally abusive relationship

    Susan Forward, Ph.D author of Emotional Blackmail
    A good, solid treatment of an insidious but all-too-common type of relationship in which the weapons are words and moods rather than the fist, but which do just as much damage. Most importantly, Ms. Engel doesn’t just describe–she shows us the way out.

    Marti Loring, Ph.D author of Emotional Abuse and coeditor of The Journal of Emotional Abuse
    In this book, Beverly Engel clearly and with caring offers step-by-step strategies to stop emotional abuse. She explores the dynamics of emotional abuse, helping both victims and abusers to identify the patterns of this painful and traumatic type of abuse. This book is a guide both for individuals and for couples stuck in the tragic patterns of emotional abuse.

    Randi Kreger author of The Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook and owner of BPDCentral.com
    This groundbreaking book succeeds in helping people stop emotional abuse by focusing on both the abuser and the abused and showing each party what emotional abuse is, how it affects the relationship, and how to stop it. Its unique focus on the dynamic relationship makes it more likely that each person will grasp the tools for change and really use them.

    Steven Farmer, Ph.D. author of Adult Children of Abusive Parents and Sacred Ceremony
    This is a must read for anyone who identifies with being emotionally abused or emotionally abusive. Beverly Engel not only offers a detailed description of the components of emotional abuse, she goes on to offer practical suggestions for healing both for individuals and for couples.


    Book History

    • Hardcover, John Wiley and Sons 2002
    • Observer Magazine article (National newspaper in the UK)
    • “Starting Over” TV show on NBC, March 2004
    • Library Journal Review
    • New Living Magazine Article
    • Redbook article, “Invisible Violence,” Oct. 08
    • Interview, YourMentaHealth (BlogTalkRadio.com) Sept. 08
    • Lansing State Journal, Sept 2009
    • Korean Rights Sold