Blog
to help you heal your shame
Put Your Past in the Past
Why You May Be Reenacting Your Trauma, and How to Stop. Stop repeating your past, and find lasting healing for the future.
Millions of us are desperately trying to rewrite our past by unconsciously repeating it—unknowingly reenacting the traumatic events in our lives in an effort to complete unfinished business or undo what was done to us. These unconscious efforts to undo trauma only bring more pain, more disappointment, and more …
Two Quizzes
With her unique understanding of both sides of the relationship, as survivor and therapist, Beverly Engel advises partners on questions and concerns surrounding the balance of power, issues of control, If you answer yes to even one of the following questions, you could be a partner in a mutually destructive, emotionally abusive relationship. Are You Being Emotionally Abused? Do you feel as if your partner treats you like a child? Does your partner routinely ridicule, dismiss, or disregard your opinions and feelings …
Taking the Shame Out of Your Sexual Relationships
For survivors of childhood sexual abuse. KEY POINTS: Sexual problems that former victims of sexual abuse experience may include sexual aversion or promiscuity. Realizing that many former victims of child sexual abuse suffer similar sexual issues as adults can help survivors feel less alone. Survivors of sexual abuse may cope in passive ways, like choosing an abusive partner, or in aggressive ways, like being abusive themselves.
How to Determine If Someone You Care About Is a Narcissist
Narcissists are often portrayed as evil people who deliberately focus on undermining and destroying their partner. But this simply is not true for many with narcissism or narcissistic traits. Although their behavior can certainly fall under the category of emotional abuse, many who suffer from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) are …
Healing Emotional Abuse With Self-Kindness
This is Part II. in my series on how self-compassion can help heal victims of emotional abuse.
Once you have begun to acknowledge your suffering, you are ready to learn how to provide yourself with self-kindness, an important component of self-compassion. | If you fall down and scrape your knee, you know that you need to cleanse the …
Healing Emotional Abuse Through Self-Compassion
If you have been a victim of emotional or physical abuse, you are probably very good at putting yourself in your partner’s position and imagining how they feel. And you no doubt have a great deal of compassion for how difficult your partner’s life has been and what struggles and challenges he faces every day. But I doubt that you …
How to Reduce the Shame Caused by Emotional Abuse
As I have shared in my previous posts, I believe that shame is the most damaging aspect of emotional abuse, so much so that I designed a shame reduction program for emotional abuse victims. This proprietary program has been …
Why Shame is the Most Damaging Aspect of Emotional Abuse
Emotional abuse and shame go hand in hand—a perfect marriage, so to speak. Shame is a significant factor in emotional abuse since it is the primary damage caused by emotional abuse. It is also the primary tool used by abusers and the source of emotionally abusive behavior in abusers. Coming to identify how shame is affecting you and understanding how …
Fighting the Temptation to Go Back to An Emotional Abuser
Even those who have managed to escape an emotionally abusive relationship need to continue to heal their shame. This is because shame carves deep scars in people who have endured emotional abuse. These scars include …
When You Need to End an Emotionally Abusive Relationship
Even when someone realizes they are being emotionally abused, they aren’t necessarily prepared to end the relationship. This is because most victims suffer from horrible, debilitating shame, shame that robs them of their motivation to take action, shame that prevents them from believing they deserve anything better. But in spite of the fact that you may feel ill-prepared to leave the relationship, there are some circumstances that indicate that you …
Recovering from the Lasting Shame of Emotional Abuse
After escaping an emotionally abusive relationship, shame needs to be healed. For victims of emotional abuse, shame causes damage to their perceptions of themselves, ongoing disgust and humiliation,...
8 Signs A Loved One Might Be In An Emotionally Abusive Relationship
Here’s how to know if a friend or family member could be a victim of mental abuse and what you can do to help them. Emotional abuse, unlike physical abuse, can be so subtle and insidious that friends, family and even the victims themselves may not recognize the toxic dynamics …
